WELLNESS WEALTH KENYA

I met with another young mother and this is her account of her experiences since she gave birth to date.

A girl is the one who loses. That same statement was repeated to me by my mom when I went home with my child. Like for me he has never supported me, went on with his life but how could I just go on with my life with the kid on my hands. See, in a sense, I was the loser. I remember I was stressed and depressed when I was pregnant. That affected me a lot in my life. When she came to this world, I did not have enough milk to feed her. There is nothing that can kill you as a mom like when your child is crying due to hunger and you can’t feed her. I went through a lot even going to the hospital asking to get an injection to boost my milk production so that I can feed her. But they refused. I was not even allowed to give her milk or nun and all that but you can’t imagine the mental torture I endured. I just had to go against the doctors and bought a nun which cost me 9,000 Ksh for that semester which she hated so much and also adding on diapers(700 Ksh every 2 wks) and clothes that I only had myself to rely on coz my parents didn’t know I had a kid. I missed 99% of my classes but did he? Even the time that I didn’t have anyone to babysit for me to sit for an exam on the other hand he did all his exams. I am only glad that my parent accepted me and my kid without any hesitation. I’m also glad that during that time I was surrounded by supportive friends who supported me mentally coz only God and I know what was going on in my mind. I had so many thoughts that I’m not proud of, including getting her to adoption. Thank goodness my parents were there to take care of her until I was mentally stable to take care of her and my mom advised me a lot. It even gets worse when the kid looks like the “father” who denied it and moved on with his life and at 5-7 months the kid’s first words are “baba.” Trust me you can hate that child. I’ve been there.

I only imagine those who were sent away from home by their parents because of early pregnancies. If that happened to me, I’d be probably dead and the child too. Also, society is so cruel. Some relatives looked down upon me, in my eyes showed they were happy for me, but behind the masks, they were rejoicing for my downfall. Telling everyone how I wasted my life and my father’s money and I have finally perished. Asking me tormenting questions like when I’ll get married, when the father of my daughter will come, and the like. Were it not for my dad standing up for me and warning everyone against asking me questions and saying such statements, I don’t know where I’d be. I’m just lucky that my parents, to date, have never condemned me but were so proud to be grandparents. My father even acknowledges her as his daughter. My siblings on the other hand can’t imagine a life without her. Now and then you’d hear one saying “sasa kama Buju haka kungekua kunakaa age?” Buju is her nickname. My mom raises her better than she raised us.

It took a lot for me to accept what happened but I did eventually and that has changed a lot in me. But that is because I have a supportive nuclear family. Again you see these girls that are chased away by their parents coz of kids end up being in toxic relationships coz their partners know that no one will stand up for them. They are desperate. This ends up affecting their kids because of the kind of environment they grow up in. It is very scary because you don’t know if when you get married that man and his family will accept and respect you and your kid and treat her like the other kids you’ll get with that man. So there is also that pressure. for me, I can’t be involved with any man in a serious relationship before I have my own money so that I and my daughter will be respected. Unlike a girl who is married without kids who will be accepted fully.

What I’ve learned and my advice is, a kid is not bad, but be financially, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually and every other thing before having a kid. Because even when you are married and have kids for one man, he can wake up one morning and claim that he is no longer interested in you and the kids. There are chances you’ll take him to court but he can do his things and the court decides he’ll be giving you only 10k a month. What will you do? It also requires a lot of forgiveness and I don’t know how, because I’m not there yet. To see that man enjoying his life while you’re struggling with the kid/s and he is not bothered about how you’re going on or the kids. You also need to have an optimistic attitude to be a single mom. Because some say that the kids ruined their teenage hood and all that while others say that the kid/s did not ruin anything. It depends on how you look at things. Are you positive or negative?

Lastly, kids bring out another level of happiness and fulfillment. There is a lot of judgment and negativity going around in our day-to-day living but no one loves you unconditionally like your kid. Your friends, relatives, and even partners might love you under conditions. But your kids, will run to you and embrace you no matter how you are, whether you are dirty, one-eyed, broke, or any other thing. You can’t get that from other people in most cases. No matter how bad your life is, that changes everything. That love is pure and rare to find. Kids also make you go the extra mile and work harder. But before you decide to get pregnant, you must be ready. It takes a lot mentally and you can easily be depressed, postnatal depression.