WELLNESS WEALTH KENYA

A self-relationship is by far the most crucial relationship of your life. Growing up we are taught how to build relationships with family, friends, and society but are rarely taught on developing a relationship with ourselves. We spend time, resources, and effort cultivating relationships but how much time or effort do you put into cultivating a better relationship with yourself?

I’m not talking about being your best friend, although it wouldn’t be bad if you can achieve it. Most people don’t even have a relationship with themselves let alone a good one. If I asked you today, who are you? You would probably narrate several qualities that have over time been harnessed by your family, friends, or society. Some of these qualities are in most cases not even things you believe in or like but to fit the profile you tune yourself.

You are the only person who has been with you through the high and the low experiences in life. You hold the power and the potential to either build or self distract. Much like you would put effort to build relationships with family or friends. The relationship with yourself requires twice as much effort. No one will be with you from the beginning to the end. It’s okay if you haven’t been building that relationship. If you are reading this article, it means you have put thought into working towards building one.

At one point in my life had you asked me who I am, I would have told you all the qualities I thought I had and I was comfortable with only because I was in tune with who I was. Over time life got in the way and I immersed myself in work, relationships, and friendship. All of which took a piece of me and changed me to fit into the difference that came with all of them. Specifically, after campus, I lost myself in a relationship and life. For a minute there I couldn’t recognize myself. I put in work to fix the rest but not once did I think I needed to fix the relationship I had with myself. None of those parts of my life I was trying to fix was working and I was frustrated. Figuring out that you are the common denominator in failing situations is never easy and it wasn’t, but that helped me understand where my efforts would be directed and still are. I’m telling you this so you can understand that every one of us is working towards ourselves and if not to serve as a reminder that your relationships are as good as the relationship you have with yourself. Here are a few tips I’ve been using on where and how to start the journey of building a better relationship with yourself.

1. RECOGNIZE NEGATIVE SELF-TALK

Everyone has a voice inside their head that guides their decisions. But for most of us, this voice can do more harm than good. It’s the nagging notion that we’re not quite good enough or strong enough, or just plain enough. This voice may be obvious or completely subconscious. But if you’re engaging in any sort of negative self-talk, you can bet it’s getting in the way of your life. The first step to battling this beast is recognizing it. Once you recognize this dialogue, you can begin to rewrite the script.

2. GET TO KNOW YOURSELF

How many of your decisions do you make for yourself? If you’re like most, it’s not many. Oftentimes, we make most of our decisions to please other people. And we can do this for so long that we forget what makes us happy. Start making small decisions that are only for you. Choose a movie that you want to see, or take a vacation by yourself (even if it’s a short getaway or staycation). Oftentimes, it’s easier to make decisions for yourself when you step away from the people who have the most influence on your life.

3. PRACTICE GRATITUDE FOR YOUR PHYSICAL SELF

You can practice gratitude for your physical self by eating well and exercising, but this tip involves more than just a healthy relationship with food and fitness. It’s about taking time to appreciate all your body has done for you. We have a tendency to ignore our bodies until something goes wrong. You probably don’t think much about breathing until your nasal passages get blocked. And you don’t think about your digestive system until you get stomach virus. But these systems are amazing and deserve our appreciation.

To practice gratitude for your physical self, consider meditating, eating a balanced diet, using natural body care products, and taking on an exercise routine.

4. SHOW COMPASSION

Are you your own worst critic? If so, you’re definitely not alone. That’s a common sentiment in our society. We tend to cut other people many more brakes than we do for ourselves.

But next time you’re beating yourself up, take a step back and think about what you’d say to a friend. You’d probably be a lot more compassionate to a friend than you would yourself.

Now, imagine a friend talked to you the way you talk to yourself. You wouldn’t be friends much longer, would you?

That’s why you need to start showing yourself more compassion. You simply can’t have a good relationship with yourself if you’re constantly engaged in this internal struggle.

5. STOP JUDGING OTHERS

Even the kindest among us has judgmental thoughts. Maybe you don’t even utter them aloud, but they’re there. It’s not something to be ashamed of, but judging others is a bad habit you may want to curb. This isn’t about the other people. It’s about your own wellbeing.

Whenever you’re judging someone else, it says something about you. Most likely, you’re attempting to cover up your insecurity. But when you practice kindness, including kind thoughts, you’ll become more mindful of your thoughts and actions.

6. SPEND SOME TIME ALONE

How do you connect best with a friend or family member? Alone time is a great way to cut out the noise, so you can connect on a deep level. The same holds for you. Not everyone has the time to take a solo vacation, but even a short stint on your own can be beneficial. If you can, take a drive or a road trip somewhere on your own. Turn up the radio and enjoy the scenery. When it’s just you and the open road, it’s easy to work on your relationship with yourself. If that’s not possible, find a nearby trail with beautiful scenery so you can take a long walk. 

Although it may take some time and effort, it’s crucial to create a healthy relationship with yourself if you want to lead a healthy, happy life.