WELLNESS WEALTH KENYA

It is 11 p.m. I had just woken up to work on a project that was due the next morning. My parents were asleep and so was my son. My mother had been complaining that she doesn’t get to see her grandson which prompted my going home. I have a life that everybody calls goals, a loving husband, a good job, caring parents, and most importantly a handsome and brilliant son. To others I have everything life could offer.

An hour passed and the thoughts started rolling. How I wasn’t good enough, I blamed myself for things I shouldn’t, why everything wasn’t working and how I was tired. Tired of hearing how strong I was, how brave I was, how blessed was. I didn’t want to be strong, I wanted to be okay, I wanted people to see that I was suffering. I have thought of ending my life on multiple counts, no one knows except my husband and my immediate family. To the world, I was triumphant but deep down I was crumbling and it was only a matter of time before things came crashing. My depression sets in.

Depression affects all personalities and can look very different in various people. Depression may not always be obvious to those around you, and we need to talk about the implications of this. A highly functioning person can be suffering invisibly too. Depression may inhibit the desire for activity and action, but high functioning individuals tend to forge ahead to succeed with goals. The drive to accomplish often sustains action and moves high-functioning individuals towards getting things done. This means that some people who have depression may also still maintain every day and sometimes exceptional tasks. An example of high-functioning individuals who suffered from depression includes Winston Churchill, Emily Dickinson, Charles M. Schultz, and Owen Wilson.

“You don’t look it”

I have lived with depression for over 5 years now. When people learn that almost all the time I am met with, “how is that possible?” Or “I would have never thought that about you.” These sentiments may come from a point of compliment or lack of knowledge but all I hear is “Your life is so perfect what would you possibly be depressed about?.

High functioning depression is depression.

What people don’t realize is that battling a mental health condition is often done internally and that those of us dealing with them spend plenty of time asking ourselves those same questions. A misconception of depression is that you can just snap out of it or that something happened to cause you to feel depressed. When you are clinically depressed, you feel very sad or hopeless for no external reason. Depression can be more of low-grade chronic unhappiness with life, or it can be intense feelings of hopelessness and negative thoughts about yourself and your life. It is a medical condition informed by a chemical, biological, and structural imbalance that impacts mood regulation. There are many contributing factors to depression, and no one factor accounts for the symptoms of depression. Depression cannot be willed away by positive thoughts.

High-functioning people need treatment for depression too.

I remember asking myself why I couldn’t see what others see, How I couldn’t explain the sadness despite having everything life could offer. I still do, I still feel like an Imposter in my own life. It’s always like I’m looking at someone else’s life from a distance. However, my therapist has given me some tips for when that happens. I can honestly say that I’m in a better place because I’m getting help.

Therapists can help a person identify the negative thoughts, beliefs, and habits that may be contributing to feeling depression. It could also include things like medication, learning, mindfulness skills, and doing activities linked to improving mood, such as exercise. Although successful and oftentimes leaders in their fields, these individuals are conducting their lives much like running a race with a weight belt carrying 100 extra pounds. To decrease the load, consider unplugging from devices, going outside for some fresh air, or taking up new activities.

Talk about your depression as much as possible. At first, it won’t be easy and you might worry about what people will think. But choose a trusted family member, friend, or professional and you’ll learn that many people share similar experiences. Talking about it eases the isolation that results from internalizing your mental health condition. Healing is a journey and it’s best done with a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on.