WELLNESS WEALTH KENYA

“Show me your friends and I will show you your future.“

Moore Rahat.

There’s a lot of literature, shows, and programs dedicated to finding the right person to date, how to know who can make a great Romantic partner but little has been done on friend relationships. The pandemic didn’t make it any easier, human interactions were affected in the greatest magnitude the world has ever seen. Your friends define a great deal about yourself, your attitude, your choices, your physical and mental wellbeing, and generally the quality of life you will lead. When choosing friends you are always told to choose carefully because your friendships define you. Understanding that friends don’t just come and like romantic relationships you have the opportunity to choose who can be your friend is very crucial while meeting new people and developing friendship. To do that, you must first ask yourself, who I’m I? What are my values? Who I’m I becoming? And since we are all striving to better ourselves, the most important question would be, who do you want to become?

The simple fact that friends influence almost every aspect of your life reveals whether you will achieve the quality of life you want or not. Answering this simple yet complex question gives you a road map and serves as a guide to where to start the journey. This knowledge gives you a disadvantage and makes the process half easy. The next step is to understand how to actively cultivate meaningful friendships. You are aware of who you want as a friend, how do you now cultivate this newfound friendship into a meaningful one.

Make Effort

It takes approximately two months to become comfortable and feel secure in a new friendship. Unlike our careers, families, and other commitments, friendships are seen more as extracurricular activities in which we take care of when there’s time. Adult life leaves you with almost no free time, hence the amount of time dedicated to friendships is mostly minimal to none. A lot of quality friendships require time, resources, and effort to grow. The effort to communicate, show support and create time when need be. Like any good thing, quality friendships don’t grow on trees. Patience and effort play a critical role in what they evolve into. Better friendships not only improve your emotional and psychological state but also determine how happy and the longevity of your life. While at it, make sure the effort is mutual.

Quality over quantity

There’s a very big difference between knowing people and having a friendship with them. A lot of people fall in the category of knowing people but those relations lack depth. Like most of us in the capitalist era knowing people have been deemed the most substantial way of moving ahead. This has shifted focus on what matters. I’m not saying that knowing is bad, no, on the contrary, it is important to know people. The sad bit about it is we are living in a world full of people surrounded by people but extremely lonely. Focusing on a few people will help you cultivate deep meaningful relationships that will serve your emotional and psychological needs. Research indicates that people with good friendships are generally happier.

Accept Failure

Everyone is different and not everyone will turn out to be what you need or hope for. Knowing when and from which friendship to step away from and which to not, is a vital skill. After a period of knowing a person, you can tell who serves your needs better. It might sound selfish, however, selfish is not a bad character especially since you are gambling with your life and happiness. Just like you don’t marry the first guys you date, not settling in a low-quality friendship is important. This is not to be interpreted as creating enemies, you can amicably distance yourself if it’s not working.

Communication

Communication is one of the most important parts of any interaction. To create strong bonds and be updated on what is happening in each other’s lives, there needs to be a constant line of communication. Technology has made things easier, yet it has created a new significant bump in human interactions. Texting or calling is not bad, however, nothing can replace good old-school physical conversation. Despite the busy work-life schedule, creating time to meet up and talk or setting aside time for calls will improve the quality of your friendships.

Setting and respecting boundaries

Dealing with people is difficult and you are bound to feel hurt or disrespected. To avoid such situations, it is important to communicate your boundaries, as well as listen to your friend’s boundaries. This ensures healthy interaction with minimal issues and respect.

Be forgiving and let go

Like all human interactions, you will disagree. When that happens, it is best to communicate your feelings and resolve the issue. Stewing over it will only build into tension which leaves your relationship sour. Learning to let go ensures your relationship evolves.

Have fun together

Create opportunities for fun activities, for example, hiking, or any distinct activity you both might enjoy. Fun creates an air of ease and delight which will deepen your bond. It also improves your communication. As the famous saying suggests “Friends who laugh together, grow together”

More support, less judgment

Be your friend’s biggest cheerleader, give them words of encouragement, learn to actively listen, and let them know you’re listening by quoting what they say. Be empathetic, and don’t always give advice, sometimes being there is the best thing you can do. Don’t criticize or judge other people, if you can do it to other people they will automatically assume you would do it to them.

Community involvement

Inclusivity is a crucial part of finding like-minded people while also working towards something bigger than yourself. Community organizations, jury duty, places of worship among others allow you to be part of a team dedicated to the same objectives and nothing brings people together than a common goal.

How are your friendships? What are you doing to develop and grow quality friendships? Let’s us know in the comments section below 👇